Choices

With the 4th of July coming up, thought I would share a story I wrote several years ago.
———-

I didn’t really feel like going shopping on the day before Independence
Day. I had to get up at 6:30 for a networking meeting, (I’m a freelancer
and usually sleep until 8:00,) I had a mild headache and, basically, I
just don’t like or do it very well. But I didn’t want to make my husband
do it, he had to work all day and it would have been a real mess by 6pm.

I should have really stopped on my way home from my meeting, around 10am.
It probably wouldn’t have been so crowded. But I wanted to get home to
follow up on a job lead I had gotten that morning. I figured that if I
got to the store by 1 or 2, it should still be not too crowded.

I was wrong. It was a mess. No one could get through the isles. So I
had two choices if I wanted to get my shopping done: I could struggle my
way through, getting upset at all of the people bumping and shoving, or, I
could make the best of it. I chose the latter. In the process I did the
following:

I found out from a lady in the neighboring town that people were already
lined up waiting for the 4th of July parade. (Amuzing because the town is
so small the parade lasts no more than 10 minutes.)

I joked with people about the grocery cart traffic.

I met a man who was buying food for more people than he could really
count, all family members. (He didn’t seem very happy about it.)

I learned how to pick out sweet white corn. (I did a good job. It tasted
great.)

I met a woman with a tuxedo cat (Peter) whom she got from the pound. She
learned about the tuxedo cat that I found on the side of Hwy 1 and gave to
my mom, as well as about my two cats, one from the pound (Puma) and one
who adopted my husband and I (Cairo.) She learned that we named Cairo
that because he looks so Egyptian. (We concluded that all kids involved
were very lucky to have found us for parents.)

I learned that my local Albertson’s must be unionized because the bagger
was going to earn triple-time for working on the 4th. We decided that was
a good move because she only had to work from 7am-1pm and would still have
time to b-b-q and watch fireworks, as well as raking it in.

I learned a million different things from all of the little encounters I
had with people in the same situation that I was in: having to do holiday
shopping on the eve of the holiday in an insanely crowded store.

I could have just kept to myself and gotten upset with all of the mess,
but I chose not to. I can’t help but think that I’m the better for it. I
was in a good mood when I came home. I hope that my striking up
conversations with these people did the same for them.

We all have choices. We can all pick our battles. Sometimes it’s hard to
discern the ones we should from the ones we shouldn’t. But life would
sure be a lot more pleasant all the way around if we could all “not sweat
the small stuff.” But make no mistake, my little shopping excursion was a
two way street. I may have started the conversations, but all of the
people I spoke with had to be receptive to them. What a nice experience
that was.

Hope you all have a happy and healthy 4th. — Caat

—
Book Recommendations for attaining a higher spirituality:
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)

James Van Praagh

We saw James Van Praagh at a book signing last night, for his new book Ghosts Among Us I don’t ever watch the Ghost Whisperer, but he was really interesting. I knew a lot of what he talked about, but he was pretty down to earth and had some interesting stories.

But the bigger thing was how the universe puts things into place for you.  I have been getting messages for the past year or so that I should be learning mediumship and healing. It’s a big reason why we moved, because I was stagnant up where I lived. Since I’ve moved, I’ve met so many people with great energy. Last night was no different.

First of all, when he took questions, I told him I was an animal communicator and asked why I might have so much easier time connecting with animals who have passed over than I do with humans. His answer made perfect sense. He said because to connect with the other side, you connect through the vibrational energy of love. And since animals are unconditional love, and humans are by nature judgmental, it’s harder to achieve the right level of vibrational energy to connect across, whereas with animals, it’s just there. Okay, good. Makes sense. But it’s what happened afterwards that blew me away.

As we were walking out, we started talking to this woman on the street with the most adorable little — miniature collie?  I don’t know if that’s the right name. But she asked where we had been and when she found out, she got so excited and asked if we did ‘stuff like that’. I told her all that I do, and she was just fascinated.

Meanwhile, I was fascinated with her. She was …. so …. innocent. She had this wide-eyed child-like quality and I just … connected with her on a really emotional level. I didn’t know why. Especially when another woman came out of the store (someone who I had been talking to before the program) and and gave me a big goodbye hug. I looked at the two of them, and the two were so different.

Listening to the chat between them made me feel as though the woman with the dog has really been told all of her life that she is not very smart, but sort of accepts it, even if self-conscious about herself.

We all hugged and left, but I couldn’t get “L” (the woman with the dog) out of my mind. I couldn’t understand, how by all external appearances, we really had little in common but I felt such an emotional connection to her.

When I hugged her goodbye, she commented how nice the hug was. And for me, it was like I felt a true deep love for her. It was so strange. And then it hit me. I honestly believe I was talking to a friend of mine who died of breast cancer several years ago. She and “L” were so much alike, but it was more than that. When I left, and realized who she reminded me of, I didn’t start feeling sad, missing my friend (she and I had been very close), I felt like I just had the opportunity to speak with her. It wasn’t sad to think of her not here anymore, I felt joyful like I had just been able to see her.

It then dawned on me that the universe was trying to make me understand what it is like to connect on that vibrational level, to a human who has passed, just as Van Praagh had told me.

Van Praagh also said that the most common way spirits connect with us is through our dreams. I then went on to be visited by my baby girl, Puma, in my dreams last night. It was so wonderful to see her. I guess all of this is a matter of perspective, huh.

Caat

Communication: The Key to a Healthy Relationship

The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem, of what to say and how to say it.
— Edward R. Murrow —

How to say it. Ah. That is the question. That is the difference between a fight and a conversation; between kids or animals running for cover and a quiet evening at home; between divorce and a happy marriage.

The importance of healthy communication cannot be underestimated. In this sometimes emotionally stunted society of ours, we have downplayed the importance of interpersonal communication to the point where it affects not only our own health, but the health of others. (In some cases, it affects your health because others are unwilling to communicate with you. — I will write on psychic vampires [those who suck your emotions dry] at a later time.)

Think about how many of the world’s problems could be solved with healthy communication. Think about how many of your own problems could be solved by healthy communication. Yes, but there’s the key word there — healthy communication.

We all communicate, it’s how we communicate which is the issue. How many people do you know who refuse to speak to someone because of their pride, or because they don’t want to get into a “confrontation.”

But not all communication to work out problems wind up in ‘aggressive confrontation.’ Some people just — talk. Who in your circle would you have a better relationship with if you were able to more effectively communicate with them if ego would allow? Your parent, child, friend, spouse, co-worker? How much better would you feel? How much would airing things out help your own health and well-being? How much more would it allow you to effectively meet the challenges of everyday life if you didn’t have emotions inside you simmering like a pressure cooker, or if you weren’t in a constant state of battle?

Certainly not everyone is experienced at win-win communication, and chances are if you are, you will eventually run into someone close to you who is not. Everybody has different communication styles. What is yours?

Nonassertion: The “inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings.” (Adler & Towne, 2004) This style stems from low self-esteem or lack of knowledge of other communication styles (ie: it was not modeled for them).

One form of nonassertion is avoidance. This can be either physically removing yourself from someone’s presence, or by simply refusing to talk about the issue by changing the subject, joking, etc.

Accommodating is also a form or non-assertion. Some people will simply ‘give in’ to avoid conflict. This is often a co-dependent’s solution, putting other’s needs above their own.

Non-assertion is not always a bad thing. There are times which you have to ‘pick your battles” — in a job, for instance — where speaking out may cost you your job, or where the relationship either doesn’t mean enough to you, or means so much that it’s too small of an issue. More often than not, however, people who are non-assertive either have too little confidence or don’t know how to ask for what they want.

Direct Aggression: Lashing out with attacks, whether it be verbal (character attacks, ridicule, etc.) or physical. This can be not only ineffective, but damaging to the target and the relationship.

Anybody who has suffered the effects of direct aggression can attest to the damaging effects it has on them as the target. Often it is committed by those who have such low self-esteem that they need to ‘feel bigger’ than the person opposite them. They do this by any type of attack that allows them to feel strong, when in reality, it weakens everything about the relationship they are communicating in.

The worst part of direct aggression is the ‘domino effect’ it produces. Words are powerful things. One aggressive comment can lead to defensive aggressive reactions. The idea is to allow your communicating partner to respond, not to push them into a corner by having to react.

Passive Aggression: The act of ‘pushing someone’s buttons,’ so to speak, with subtle verbal or non-verbal messages without confronting the person directly. Sometimes called “crazymaking” (Adler & Towne, 2003), this is one of the most difficult forms of communication to deal with if you are on the opposite end of it.

Passive aggression stems from a great amount of hostility and a severe need to control one’s own life without risking criticism. It may result in extraordinary resentment on the part of person at which the behavior is targeted, which can lead to a complete breakdown of the relationship, over a period of time.

Passive aggressiveness can come in many forms: people who avoid conflict altogether; those who say they understand your feelings but continue to act with the same intent; those who lay guilt trips on you; those who ‘hit below the belt’ with intimate knowledge they know will upset you; those who give you the ‘silent treatment’; those who make a joke about everything and those who tell you they will help you, but sabotage you in some way. If confronted, the passive-aggressive person often just denies intent.

An example of passive aggressive behavior might be a person who tells you they will help you get a job interview because they know someone, who then subtly sabotages the meeting in some way.

Passive aggression is never a good option for long-term results and can severely damage individuals and relationships.

Indirect Communication: Sending indirect messages through hinting, or a third party. This can be a way to avoid conflict by taking initiative, but without hostility, and might be a preferable option when one person wants to help the other “save face.” (Adler & Towne, 2004) Indirect communication is one of the most common ways people try to convey messages.

How many times have you ‘hinted’ to someone that you are ready to leave their party early by saying you have to work the next day, without having to tell them you aren’t having a good time? It saves face for them.

In the vein of avoiding confrontation, some people may send messages through other people. By making a comment about the target person to a third party, the target may or may not get the message but, if they do, they may feel that they have been ‘backstabbed,’ which starts a cycle of hostility which makes communication more difficult in the future.

While at times useful, the problem with indirect communication is that there is the risk that the intended target may not get the message. If the message is that important, a more direct, assertive, approach is necessary.

Assertion: The ability of the communicator to express their thoughts and feelings in a clear manner which does not undermine or attack the other person. Delivering your message, expressing what you want and feel, in a non-judgmental manner can be one of the most effective ways to resolve a conflict. If done appropriately, it minimizes defensiveness in the other person, allows them to clearly understand what you are saying or asking for, and is usually your best chance of resolving conflict with minimal damage.

Everybody may be capable (or culpable) of all of these behaviors at some point in time. The question is, do you recognize it and change it when appropriate, and how do you handle the behavior when it is targeted at you? How best do you present yourself in an assertive, non-confrontational style? There are some things you can do:

Respect Boundaries: If you know that something is a ‘hot-button issue’ don’t throw it in their face. Disrespecting boundaries is one of the quickest ways to escalate a conflict.

Stay Focused on the Issue at Hand: Don’t bring up things from the past that have nothing to do with the current issue. This is very close to crossing boundaries. By staying focused you honor both you and your partner without mucking up the water. When you feel an issue veering off course, bring attention back around to the topic at hand.

Actively Listen: Listening is one of the most important, and sometimes one of the hardest things you can do. Some of the problems people have with listening are: thinking about what they will say next instead of listening and responding; getting defensive; interrupting. When people feel they aren’t being heard, they may feel that their feelings are being discounted and/or invalidated, which leads to more anger, and an escalation of the situation.

De-escalate: If you see the situation heating up, speak in a calm tone of voice. Repeat back to them what they have said so they know you listened to them and so both of you have a clear understanding of the intent of their message. If things are getting too hot and you feel you cannot calm it down, then take a break. Don’t storm out of the room, but calmly explain that you feel that things are too escalated and you are going to go into the other room so both of you can calm down. When you do leave, breathe.

Empathize: Try to see things from their point of view. It doesn’t mean you will agree with them, but if you at least can understand where they’re coming from, you have a better chance to acknowledge & validate their feelings so that both of you can come to a solution.

Use “I” messages: When speaking, use “I” messages rather than “you” messages. Don’t say “You always make me feel so unimportant”, say “When you forget to call when you won’t be home for dinner, I feel unimportant.” This way you are taking the responsibility for the feeling, but you are associating it with a behavior, rather than risking it sounding like an attack on them personally.

Admit your mistakes: When you recognize that you’ve made a mistake — admit it. There is nothing more maddening than someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own actions. Admitting a mistake and apologizing for it is a sign of strength, not one of weakness. It will clear the air and allow both of you to focus on a solution.

Change your response: One of the first rules of psychology is “if you want to change somebody else’s behavior, change your own.” In other words, if you respond differently, they will in turn change their behavior because they are not getting the response they expected. Many times, behavior is meant to do just that, elicit a certain response.

In rare cases you may run up against a person who is completely unwilling to communicate or is such a master manipulator that no matter what you do, they will find a way to start an argument with you, or make your life miserable. They may be so passive-aggressive that it just turns into ‘crazy-making,’ or they may simply flat-out refuse to acknowledge there’s a problem and refuse to listen or discuss the possibility of it at all. In these cases what are you to do?

The broad answer is, “Take care of yourself.” If you are being hurt by the situation, you need to take care of yourself, first and foremost. The method by which you do that, however, can only be found by your own introspection and assessment of how important that specific relationship is to you. If you are being hurt, and you have sincerely tried every option to stop the incoming behavior, you need to make some decisions about how important the relationship is to you.

But introspection is the start. To make the types of decisions you need to make in situations like these, you need to know yourself. Getting in touch with your own higher-self & spirituality has a healthy and calming effect on your life. Resolve to meditate, play, relax. Giving to yourself in a loyal, loving and devoted way can open up a communication process within yourself that may well protect you from psychic vampires as well as preventing you from becoming one.

Communication. It’s fundamental. It’s how we operate. By learning a few basic techniques, and by communicating with our own higher being, we can become more content, better equip ourselves to rise to the challenges of our everyday lives, and better communicate with others &/or understand how to deal with it, even when they won’t.

—
References:

Adler, Ronald, B., & Towne, Neil (2003). Looking Out Looking In. 10th ed. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth/Thompson Learning.

Adler, Ronald, B., Towne, Neil, & Proctor II, Russell F. (2003). Interplay. 9th ed. Oxford, NY: Oxford University Press.

Creating Strategies. (2008). Retrieved February 9, 2008, from the World Wide Web: http://www.creatingstrategies.com/articles/communication_tips/deescalate_a_conflict

Stress Management: about.com. (2008). Retrieved February 9, 2008, from the World Wide Web: http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/healthycomm.htm

—

Caat is an intuitive advisor and has a master’s degree in human behavior.

For intuitive coaching for communication and relationship problems, see her Spiritcaat Page

Root Cause of Addiction

Root Cause of Addiction

“If you’ve got bad news, you want to kick the blues…cocaine.” This line from a song by J.J. Cale expresses the feelings and actions of many Americans today, yet the word cocaine can be substituted with the word pot or alcohol or food or sex or gambling or a number of other compulsive disorders. In fact, all of these things have something in common; in excess, they may all be symptoms of having grown up in a dysfunctional environment.

Problems in dysfunctional homes usually present in one or more of three ways. Physical abuse can include beatings as well as being excessively tugged, shaken, or tickled. Sexual abuse can be covert, such as leering at a child in inappropriate ways, or overt, which can include everything from fondling to rape. Emotional abuse is most commonly thought of as stemming from parental alcoholism and substance abuse, yet it can also include yelling, berating, snide criticism, neglect, and even, in some cases, a severely strict upbringing such as can be the case in devoutly religious & controlling family units. Emotional abuse can be present without physical or sexual abuse, but where there is physical and/or sexual abuse there is always emotional abuse.

The effects on children from these types of situations, and the deep dark secrets they are compelled to keep, can become buried beyond memory and comprehension, scarring these individuals for life. Consequently, adult children of dysfunctional homes (more commonly known as ACA’s for adult children of alcoholics) become adults who bear a heavy burden of deeply rooted pain, suffer from a severe loss of self-esteem, and may fall into a state of denial about what is now known to be a disease, into a world of escapism by using and/or abusing whatever their personal drug of choice happens to be.

They are trying to escape a pain that no words can adequately describe. Susan, a 51 year old professional, tells a story about when she was 8 years old and had to lock her own father out of the house. Her mother had thrown him out of the house for his drinking and he was living in a 12 foot trailer in the front yard. He came to the door and wanted a soda. He was not drunk at the time. But Susan was alone in the house and her mother was virulent, when Susan called her at work, telling Susan not to let him in. She remembers climbing up on the kitchen sink and reaching the soda out of the kitchen window to her father. Remember, she was eight years old. These types of childhood traumas add up, and can cause such torment that victims want one thing and one thing only — to numb those feelings and the memories. How they choose to accomplish this varies with their personal drug of choice.

A drug of choice can be any compulsive/addictive behavior which acts to make these persons temporarily not feel their pain. John Bradshaw, a counselor, lecturer, and author of Healing The Shame That Binds You, and Bradshaw On The Family, said it this way, “Compulsive/addictive behavior is a pathological relationship to any mood altering experience that has life-damaging consequences.” Hence, addictive behavior does not have to be solely confined to drugs and alcohol. Pete Rose, one of the finest and most passionate baseball players of his time, was kicked out of baseball because of gambling. Clearly, his gambling problems had life-damaging consequences; they cost him his one great love of life!

There are, of course, other “socially acceptable” addictions such as over-eating and cigarette smoking which include not only life-damaging consequences (such as alienating others) but, more importantly, these addictions can create life-threatening consequences in the form of heart disease, lung disease, stroke, and peripheral vascular disease. Eventually any behavior, to excess, may likely damage and even destroy lives, yet many victims allow their disease to progress, untreated, because deep down they feel shamed to the core, and believe that they don’t deserve any better.

It’s difficult to determine degree of severity between the most prevalent causes of compulsive/addictive behavior, but lack of self-esteem stemming from the shame of a dysfunctional environment rates as one of the primary root causes of such compulsive behaviors.

Lack of self-esteem allows people to endure incredible amounts of abuse, whether it be self-inflicted or at the hands of another. Because victims feel that they are worthless and want not to think about their lives, they are willing to abuse their bodies through food, drugs or alcohol, or by allowing themselves to be emotionally and/or physically beaten and battered. Furthermore, many of them get trapped in a cycle where they themselves become the abusers. They simply hate themselves so much that they take it out on children, animals and the people that they love the most. The more serious cases become violent against society.

Some people who have grown up in extremely violent and/or abusive households build up so much rage that they just explode as is evidenced daily on the television screen, the internet and the pages of newspapers nationwide. It’s very easy to say that Eric Harris and Deren Kleebold were affected by Marilyn Manson and video games, because they both had two parents and drove BMWs. But no one knows what goes on behind the walls of a house except the people who live in that house. For far too long this country’s obsession with “family values” has decimated any hope of looking at the parents in cases such as Columbine and Virginia Tech. It’s time to at least start asking the question.

Regardless of severity, each of these victims live in their own private hell, and until people who come from dysfunctional environments are able to recognize that their problems are attributed to an insidious, hereditary disease, they will be unable to remove themselves from the spiral in which they are trapped.

The inability to recognize that problems exist is called denial. If people don’t know what’s wrong, they can’t fix it. For example, if a person who had never ridden in a well-running, well-tuned car, were to own a car that knocks and pings, that person wouldn’t know that knocking and pinging weren’t completely normal. He or she may know that the car doesn’t run very well, but it functions, and as far as this individual is concerned everybody has to put up with constant car problems because that’s the way cars are supposed to be.

By the same token, ACA’s who are in denial believe that their reality is the way that life is supposed to be. They see nothing unusual about spending their days getting high or getting hit and yelled at because that’s all they’ve ever known. It was what life was like, or modeled, in their home growing up, and as a child that was their whole world…so, in their eyes, it was everybody’s whole world. By the time they become adults, this belief system is so deeply ingrained that it becomes their reality. Consequently, they don’t understand that their symptoms of drug abuse, alcoholism, compulsive over-eating, compulsive working, compulsive spending, compulsive gambling, but to name a few, are problems that are affecting their life and which need to be addressed. Unfortunately, some can spend their whole lives in denial.

As a result of their upbringing, ACA’s are faced with heart-breaking pain, a shameful view of themselves as human beings, and the hurdle of overcoming problems that they don’t even recognize that they have. The problems of compulsive/addictive behavior go far deeper than many people realize or are willing to accept. Until society, as a whole, faces up to the causes of compulsive/addictive disorders, rather than just punishing those affected individuals, and until society begins to provide low-cost, quality mental health care geared towards these problems, it’s going to continue to be difficult for individuals to seek, and admit that they need, help. However, people are becoming more knowledgeable and attitudes are beginning to change for the better. Hopefully, with time and the willingness to learn, this knowledge of cause and effect will help the millions of people affected with symptoms of this disease, and those who love them.

For coaching assistance for addictions, see Spiritcaat.

New Age Perceptions

Perceptions of Spirituality

“To ride on a broomstick and fly: combine belladonna leaves, stramonium, munkshood, and celery seeds to make an ointment. Add one toad and boil until the skin falls off the bones. Strain and apply the ointment to the body.” This seventeenth century formula, as told by Jeanne Rose in her book “Herbs and Things”, is indicative of what many people, even today, envision a psychic to be associated with.

Although, certainly, they may not think the ingredients are made up of such things as toads and bat wings, many people do believe that those who are openly psychic are ‘devil worshippers’ and practitioners of ‘black magic.’ Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, words like “new age,” “metaphysics,” “psychic” “paganism” and “occult” are merely spiritual belief systems which fall outside of the widely accepted ‘organized’ religions, such as Christianity.

Just as organized religions have their ‘tools’ that they use for rituals, such as the rosary in Catholicism, or the menorah in Judaism, many metaphysicians have tools to practice their craft and beliefs. One of the tools is “The Tarot.”

The tarot reader interprets cards of various symbolic drawings and combines that interpretation with her or his psychic abilities to gain a greater understanding of the unconscious mind. Geri, a Catholic raised, non-denominational minister, uses the Tarot as her main tool. When she was asked how people perceive her, she said, “…there are the ones who raise their eyebrows in terror. They think you’re going to cast a spell on them because they immediately label you a witch.” Contrary to that belief, however, many psychics are everyday people in everyday clothes, working everyday jobs, living everyday lives. Furthermore, these people are coming out of the closet, so to speak, using the tools of the trade, making metaphysics a viable part of life in our current world.

Today a common name for it is “New Age.” Some people call it “self-spirituality,” “new spirituality” or “new age religion,” but whereas religions are organized, “new age” is more of a ‘movement.’ Furthermore, in many organized religions, there is pressure to make others convert. New Age believers rarely subscribe to that. Geri sees it as “a complete psychological and philosophical system,” and as a way of giving people the freedom to believe in whatever they choose. “It gives you the freedom to be you,” she explains.

Ann, a reader who uses runes as her tool, sees her readings as a result of her beliefs. She defines her beliefs in this way: “We’re not a religion; to me it’s a philosophy.” She believes, as many with an interest in metaphysics do, that her beliefs are hers and that other people’s are theirs. She thinks that no one has the right to judge other people and their views on life. “The only person you have to account to is yourself,” she says, and stresses that because she’s learned to communicate with her ‘higher self’ there is no need for a middle-man, such as a Pope or a Rabbi. Additionally, even though she agrees that many religions teach good things, she expresses her beliefs this way: “I don’t think his way is any wiser than what I believe; I have the same contact with the good Lord as he has…I don’t feel like I’m anybody’s disciple.”

This is not to say, however, that Ann doesn’t keep an open mind. She takes the ideas and philosophies that work for her, leaves the rest, and doesn’t feel threatened when others have the same view of her beliefs. What are her beliefs? She believes in peaceful coexistence.

Each one [religion] has to be the one because they are afraid of the other guy; whereas, if we could all live next to each other…everybody just does their thing, believes in their own thing, as long as they don’t try to make the other one believe in the same…but, that doesn’t make for bigger populations in your religion unless you try to convert–or wipe everyone else out.

The latter has been the cause of wars for centuries.

The philosophies that New Age is loosely structured around stem from ancient far eastern religions. The idea is that all people need only to look within themselves to find the higher spiritual source that they search for. Kahlil Gibran, author of The Prophet, explains it in this way:

It is enough that you enter the temple invisible.
I can not teach you how to pray in words.
God listens to your words save when He
Himself utters them through your lips.

These lines seem to embody a very basic metaphysical belief–the belief that God, as each person perceives Her or Him to be, lives within that person, and that one must listen to oneself to truly find her or his own Higher Spirit.

One of the problems that psychics and believers of this type of ideology have are the pre-conceived notions that uninformed people have about those with alternative philosophies. In his book, “The Kabbalah”, Ponce states, “The commonly accepted picture of a mystic–or anyone for that matter who consciously seeks to find meaning on life–as a self-indulgent escapist has also contributed much to the misunderstanding of mysticism in general”.

The word “mysticism” is key here. The word relates to the word mystery: “something unexplained, unknown, or kept secret” (Webster’s). This suggests that it is really only a mystery to those who are uninformed about the subject of metaphysics. Yet, a shroud of mystery is pervasive. When asked how he generally perceives psychics, Tim, a college student who has never had a psychic reading, yet is very open-minded and curious about them, stated, “For some reason, in my mind’s eye, I’ve always seen them as gypsy type ladies, women of mystique. Of course, they’re attractive, too. They just have to be attractive for some reason.” This idea is not surprising, considering the multitude of movies and television programs that portray psychics in that very, stereotypical role.

There’s quite a difference, however, between those who are curious and those who are staunch non-believers. Tim, our college student, expresses a desire to learn more about the roots of metaphysics, specifically the Tarot, and wants to form a more reasonable understanding about it. “I know it’s not just card reading.” He states, “There’s got to be more to it than that.” In contrast, Susan, a church-going Christian, believes that the whole idea is the work of the Devil and that opening oneself up to psychic powers is opening oneself up to the evil forces that he brings.

Perhaps she is not completely wrong. It is for that precise reason that psychics have their own personalized rituals that they use for protection against those unknown forces, much like Native Americans did when they burned sage for protection. That ritual is still in use by many who practice metaphysics today.

The Tarot, runes (or stones), palmistry, and the crystal ball are all just tools that are used by psychically gifted people to tap into their power. Many psychics believe, however, that everyone has that power, more commonly known as a “sixth sense,” but that they are just not aware of it, or have just not developed it. For Geri, “It’s basically for personal growth through meditation with the [tarot] cards,” which she feels gives her direction and guidance. That, too, is what many people go to readers for, even though it may be a little scary at first.

Meg, an R.N., states she had never been read, but recently went to a seance for the first time where she was told by the medium (a person who communicates with spirits who have passed on) things that Meg knew the medium couldn’t have known any other way but telepathically. She thinks that with the ‘law of averages’ people can’t just pick things out of the air like that and be right, unless there is something more. When asked how she might feel getting a personal reading of some kind, she said, “I’m frightened [because] I just can’t explain it. But, I really can’t disbelieve it because it’s so odd.” She doesn’t feel so much that something will happen to her; rather, she is more afraid of finding out something that she really doesn’t want to know.

Meg’s perception of psychics is somewhat the same. When someone tells her about being psychic, she says she feels “…they can look right through you and know your inner feelings and inner thoughts.” She agrees that maybe she gives them credit for more power than they really have. This is not surprising though; the seed was planted early.

Although Meg stated that she had never been read, actually she had been, and just hadn’t recognized it. She relayed a story about what sounded like some sort of vagabond at the Five and Dime in Chicago, where she grew up. For a dollar, he would correctly tell the serial numbers on it. For a dollar more, he would let the people write three questions on a slip of paper, which he would then answer. Meg was at an impressionable age at the time, about 16 years old, and she wanted a car, but she did not include it in her three questions. He answered her three written questions and then, as she was leaving, he said, “Oh yeah, don’t worry. You’re going to get that car you want.” It made such an impression on her that she tried to get her mother to go back with her, to no avail. She, herself, went back to look for the man, but he was gone, never again to be found.

“New Age” is not new. As Geri says, “It is just the current name. With each generation it’s becoming more acceptable.” In fact, she ascertains that she has read of it being called “New Age” as far back as the early 1800’s; before that, people were hanged because of it. That shows that even though tactics may have changed, human nature surely hasn’t.

Throughout history, most of the major wars have been rooted in and fought over religious beliefs. Even today, we are in a war with fundamentalist underpinnings. The Middle East has not seen peace for many people’s lifetimes and it continues to either spread or move around. Why? Because those ethnocentric people are threatened by, and demonize, anyone who doesn’t have identical beliefs, organized religion or not.

But those who eschew organized religion and are involved in spiritual and psychic beliefs are not the “devil worshippers” portrayed in the movies and in modern propaganda. To the contrary. Most are just everyday people want to live their lives in the best way that they know how, and they are willing to let others do the same. It seems like a fair enough proposition.