john_william_waterhouse_-_the_crystal_ballI’ve read tarot for more years than I’d like to admit. I’ve spoken with animals for more years than I regularly acknowledge, I am, however, somewhat new to mediumship. I’ve been ‘speaking to the human dead’ for about a year now.

That said, one of my big problems is not the reading itself, but my confidence when I run up against a “difficult read.” My tendency is to doubt myself when I don’t get the validation I’m looking for. I need to stop doing that.

I had a reading recently which really threw me for a loop — at first. The querent was pretty much saying no to everything I presented to her. I said, “I see four kids. three are alike, one is different. That could mean three are alive, one is dead, or three are girls and one is a boy …. ” Her response, “No.”

I said, “I’m getting an “T” name. Maybe Tanya, maybe Tina … I could be off by the name but not by the letter. It’s definitely an ‘T’ ” Her response: “No. Nobody.”

This went on and on. After I finished, she told me she had 4 children, one had died and one of her daughter’s names is Terri. (Names and letters have been changed.) It came out that she was mostly just interested in knowing what one specific person she lost said on her deathbed. This was a great source of frustration for me. I had initially allowed myself to feel I had done this terrible job, when in reality, I hadn’t. I woke up the next morning thinking about all of the things that I had gotten right, but that she denied during the reading, but somehow validated in the after talk, even though she never acknowledged that what I said was accurate.

crossingoverWell, last night, as I was reading Crossing Over by John Edward, all of it made sense:

He was talking about a reading he had gotten from a woman in England, Linda Williamson, after reading her book, Contacting the Spirit World. He had been waiting for three signs from his mother and was getting frustrated that he wasn’t getting the signs he wanted. She finally said something to him which made him realize that the signs aren’t always what you expect.

He talked about how when she first started reading him, he assumed something about her and, “I totally shut down. Instead of listening to what she was saying, thinking about it, I just write it down, for lack of anything better to do. She keeps talking, and in return, I offer only an occasional grunt of indifference.”

This was how I felt my querent was. She was a terribly difficult read, which is exactly what Linda Williamson called John Edward: a difficult read. However, after the penny dropped for Edward, it was a career changing moment for him, in the way he looked at his work.

“Here I was, a professional medium, who knew all the pitfalls, and I was doing the very human thing of holding out for that one nugget that I just had to hear, as if it contained the secrets of the universe, or at least the meaning of life. ….. I knew my mother was already around … look at all the stuff I let pass right by me because I didn’t want to miss the Big One. Stuff I can’t even remember — that’s how much I ignored it. Great gifts of validation from mediums who just weren’t delivering the packages I ordered. So I returned them. It was a ridiculous thing to do.

Still I know why I did it, I know why everybody does it. If you get that one thing you’re asking for, it seems like a slightly higher level of validation. … But what if you don’t get it? Does that mean they’re not there? … What if a medium can’t get that, but gets this? If it is solid, specific, factual validation, does it make it any less valuable? This is the inevitable trap of Great Expectation.

… She had come through to me many times, in wonderful ways. …. In my weaker moments, I could even fall back into the trap. But I offered myself as Exhibit A: Don’t lose the big picture. Appreciate the messages you get. (Emphasis added.)

Reading this was monumental for me. It made me realize, on a bigger level than I already had about my reading with this woman, that maybe what her loved one said on her death bed was not the message that she was intended to get. And that maybe — and unfortunately — there were many messages that she might have received, from not only that loved one but from others as well, which might have given her some comfort, if only she had been open enough to hear them, without expectation.

candle-starfilterEvery day I learn a little more about connecting with those who have crossed, but the pervasive message that keeps coming back is the last line I wrote of his: Appreciate the messages you get. But not only appreciate them, be open to them so that you may appreciate them.

What I need to do as a medium is to be able to recognize that in my clients and help them through it so they can open to the experience, instead of allowing myself to doubt the information I’m getting. I don’t doubt it when I read tarot for people; I don’t doubt it when I speak with the fur-babies. I guess it’s all in the process of learning.

July 8th, 2009 at 7:49 pm

 

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